I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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