The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart