god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.