Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.