why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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