I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER