so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.