Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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