I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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