I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
