so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize