I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
