I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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