i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
