You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your cock deserves a montage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
