Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
