To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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