soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
