we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
