I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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