I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
