now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
