Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
