dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You may now shotgun with the bride
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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