he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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