Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
