the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
