it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
