I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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