he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
