I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
