The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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