When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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