I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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