i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
