Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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