I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
