I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
