Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
