Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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