i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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