Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
