Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
