They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
