i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we made out on top of his cat.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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