hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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