guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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