I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
