I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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