apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
