He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
