Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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