Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
