would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
