Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
