Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
