he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
