Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
