This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I believe in your delicious
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
