doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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