A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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