Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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