I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
