I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
