You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
