In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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