At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
