FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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