I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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