Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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