like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
