So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
