between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
