He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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