He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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