He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
