note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
