i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want nice things and good sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
