I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
