I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
