she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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