at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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