Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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