I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
