I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
